Curing Creepy Windows (Day 5 of the January Cure)

The task for day 5 was to pick one project off the list and start doing stuff related to that project. I picked 2 (because I ‘m a rebel). 1 is to clean off the damn fridge. Which I did nothing about. At all. I actually put MORE shit on top of the fridge (because I’m a rebel?). The other thing was to start researching window films to cover our den/office/2^nd bedroom’s window.

We have what must be the most awkward window in the city.  It looks out onto our neighbor’s gated porch. We are the ONLY apartment in the complex that has this feature. And it’s just creepy. It’s creepy to have the neighbors looking in, it’s creepy to be looking out at them on their porch. There is no party that comes out without a creep factor with this window. 

There are blinds up, but we have cats, so they don’t stay closed. And there WERE curtains up but the guest we had in there for a while accidentally broke the incredibly cheap curtain rod and I haven’t replaced it. Because, I am special. Anyway, this window needs to be semi- permanently obscured, because no one in the history of ever needs this view.

Did you know that window film can get really fucking expensive? I mean, I know that ANYTHING can get marked up into oblivion, but seriously, $80 to cover ONE window? This is like that whole $300 wallpaper situation. It makes me want to scream I KNOW WHAT IT COSTS TO DESIGN AND PRINT THIS SHIT, WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO PULL? And then I remember that the reason I know this is because I’m a designer, so stop being so lazy and design and print it yourself. (That was directed at me, not you. I like you. Probably.) 

But anyway, I found some pre-printed/patterned window films that don’t make me angry and now I just have to choose one (the hubs is being consulted). I kind of want to go for a stained-glass look… except… I know me and I know I’ll get tired of it in like, a nano-second, and then I’ll just leave it there and hate it OR tear it down and not replace it and we’ll be right back here in the “what to do about the window” situation.

Pretty colors... but a good idea?

Which leads us to the translucent varieties. Which are probably better. But I don’t know…. Having a serious Pisces moment. I’ll probably let the hubs tie-break this one. So, once we pick a style, then I just have to measure the windows, buy the film, clean the windows, measure the windows again (measure twice, cut once), cut the film and apply it.

Frankly, if Anthropologie made a painfully expensive version of this stuff, I'd probably buy it.

Maybe I’d better just go clean off the fridge…

All the little things...

Just a tiny post today.
We needed a place to put the mail, as creditors and bill collectors keep calling and asking, amazedly as we immediately pay the bill "Why did you wait so long?" and the answer always being.. "Well, we, um, sorta forgot.... to open the bill"
/shameface
So I went to my mecca, Target, and bought a mail basket.

But of course I can't leave well enough alone and had to line it with this awesome red wrapping paper.

"Why isn't this a DIY post?" you ask, crestfallen.
"Because this was a fiasco." I answer testily.
"But they're all fiascos." you point out.
"Yeah, but I took this one personally. Go play in traffic." (This is why I do not yet have children).

So, here's my pointers for if you DO want to do this yourself.

1. Don't use cheap (Target) wrapping paper. It's thin, tears and bubbles easily, and makes you swear a lot.
2. Don't use regular glue straight from the bottle. Water it down and paint it on with a paint brush.

That's pretty much it. But now I have a place to find the mail so that we can be responsible adults! (maybe) And it's pretty. Yay!

Shit I Don't Get - Dead Decor

This is the first of what I believe will be a recurring series (as opposed to a one-time-series?) There's a lot of decorating shit I don't get. The list is constantly growing. But today, I'm perplexed by dead things as decor. My mom told me not to touch dead things on the side of the road, and I heeded her. But I am apparently behind the decorating times.

According to several respected sources dead shit on the side of the road isn't roadkill, it's a "find". People I know and respect aesthetically have dead shit decorating their houses. I sort of understand the mounted big game heads, but that's about where I get off the bus.



For example, this piece of brilliance was accompanied by the following post. I cannot improve on this: "Just got this one back from my taxidermist. My son found the owl on the highway and had the forsight to pick it up. Then a week later he found the Partridge on the road".

I don't even know where to begin. I mean, he has a PERSONAL taxidermist. And as a future parent (someday), I really don't think I'd call my kid picking up dead birds off the side of the road "forsight". Partially because I can spell foresight, but mostly because I'd be busy being completely grossed out.


This (admittedly kind of neat) thing was actually photographed by the New York Times. Seriously. This is 11 dead things under a bell jar. Sylvia Plath would love it. I feel like they're going to haunt me by attacking me with their tiny sharp beaks and claws.


Aaaand in case it wasn't enough to decorate your home with dead shit- here's some portable dead shit you can wear on your head. Pigeon wing headband! For only about $900. A bargain at twice the price! Seriously, this item is so full of WTF, I can barely contain myself.

Ok, I'm grossed out. Or maybe inspired. I'll let you know what happens next time I see a dead squirrel on the side of the road. Usually, I just cheer. (I hate squirrels).

And there you go. Have a lovely day!