The "F" Word

I’m going to veer a bit off theme here. If you are ONLY interested in interior design and DIY projects: walk away. You’ve been warned.

So on top of being decidedly handy and an all-around great gal to have at a party, I am a classically trained designer. “What does that mean?,” you say.

It means that not only did I pay a bunch of money to show an instructor (and occasionally, a professor) that I know how to use Photoshop, but that I also studied the theory behind the stuff I made. I took classes in drawing, in color theory, in visual communication and in typography (and in other stuff too). It’s this last that vexes me.

I did well in Typography. At least, I got a good grade in Typography. And there is no doubt in my mind that my Typography professor was a design genius. He hung around (and belongs with) living design legends in San Francisco. It’s just… teaching is maybe not his forte. I don’t think I learned much. And I may or may not have caused him to have a nervous breakdown that resulted in his taking a semester off. After his first semester.

Now, you should know that I am a pain in the ass for a student. I ask questions - lots of questions. And if you don’t have the answers, I expect you to help me find them. So if I think I’ve learned “a lot” in a class… well, most of the class’ heads have exploded.

So, knowing as I do that my knowledge of Typography is lacking, I’ve been working on it. I’ve been reading. And reading. And playing with designs. But you know what blows my damn mind?

“Fonts” and “typefaces”. Apparently, a “font” is a delivery device while a “typestyle” refers to the design it delivers. Did your head just explode? The best example of it is that a “Typestyle” is a song while a “Font” is an mp3.  Which does nothing for me.

So here’s my conclusion: I’m going to stop using the word “font”. As far as I can tell, it serves no real purpose. It USED to refer to a particular collection of the dies cast for a typeface. As there are no more dies (commercially), and all the digital renditions are more or less the same, we don’t need “font” anymore. I’m done!

The difference between “font” and “typeface” is henceforth as follows:

“Typeface” refers to a pretty set of letters like Mrs Eaves, Helvetica, or Times.

“Font” is its bastard cousin who we don’t invite to reunions or birthdays anymore because he peed on grandma in 1982. And by "peed on grandma" of course I mean "hasn't done a damn useful thing since".

You’re welcome.

I just realized...

I just realized that I'm basically trying to overhaul every space in my apartment for a grand total of under $850. Not including a sofa. Which actually might not be so bad, since my crappy sofa does remind me not to spend my life sitting on it. In fact, I may have only started doing this project BECAUSE my sofa is uncomfortable after aobut 90 minutes. So thanks, uncomfortable sofa. Anyway.

The breakdown:

Paint: $209
I need 6 gallons and 1 quart of paint to do the 3 rooms I'm going to do. The kitchen has been abandoned for the foreseeable future as just thinking aobut the amount of sanding required to make that mess look good brings me to tears.

Furniture: $312
This involves a DIY headboard project, reupholserting and refinishing the dining room chairs, getting a new occaisional table for the bedroom, and a new lamp and chair for the livingroom. It does not address the sorry state of our poor sofa.

Decor: $301
Included in this rather long list are a filng cabinet revamp (done!), refinishing some wall cubes(done), upgrading the knobs on the kitchen cabinets(done), framing several pictures, creating a kitchen mat, and adding a few small accent pieces.

Total: $822
Give or take a few dollars for crafty thriftiness... given my income after taxes, I'll have to work 69 hours to finance this total project. Which actually isn't too bad. I'm keeping track of the expenses as I go along, both the savings and the, um, non-scheduled purchases.

All the little things...

Just a tiny post today.
We needed a place to put the mail, as creditors and bill collectors keep calling and asking, amazedly as we immediately pay the bill "Why did you wait so long?" and the answer always being.. "Well, we, um, sorta forgot.... to open the bill"
/shameface
So I went to my mecca, Target, and bought a mail basket.

But of course I can't leave well enough alone and had to line it with this awesome red wrapping paper.

"Why isn't this a DIY post?" you ask, crestfallen.
"Because this was a fiasco." I answer testily.
"But they're all fiascos." you point out.
"Yeah, but I took this one personally. Go play in traffic." (This is why I do not yet have children).

So, here's my pointers for if you DO want to do this yourself.

1. Don't use cheap (Target) wrapping paper. It's thin, tears and bubbles easily, and makes you swear a lot.
2. Don't use regular glue straight from the bottle. Water it down and paint it on with a paint brush.

That's pretty much it. But now I have a place to find the mail so that we can be responsible adults! (maybe) And it's pretty. Yay!

The D.I.Y. Waiting Room

Not-so-surprising factoid of the day about yours truly: I love DIY projects. At least, I think I do. So far, I've completed the mural and stained and assembled an Ikea hutch (I'm counting it because of the "staining" step.) But here's the thing: I'm kind of lazy. Well-intentioned, but lazy. This is why my apartment is STILL renter's "what-are-you-hiding-under-that-semi-gloss" off-white. So... for all my anxiously awaited "projects".... I have a waiting room. Sometimes we call it a porch.

Below, for your viewing pleasure, I've captured our waiting room in all of it's leaf-strewn glory. (I didn't sweep for you because I didn't have advance notice that you were stopping by. That's how it works at casa de Weber).

Project #10 in the waiting room: the filing cabinet.
(Yes I'm starting with #10. Don't judge me.)



Here's kind of an inspiration board on what I'd like to do to said cabinet. I was going for a black-and-red lacquer look, but I'm kind of loving the bronze on the top right. What do you think?

Next up is a cluster of projects waiting patiently (does that make them "patients"?).



Project #1: Flower box planter? It was going to be a shelf, but I got over the idea before it went very far at all. At the moment it has been deputized as chief dirt receptacle. But down below I've posted what it might look like in a future space. If I ever stop being the Charles Manson of the plant world.

Project #2: Refinish table and paint seats of chairs turquoise. Or different colors. I need to make a decision before acting on this one. ADD is no joke, kids. Oh, look a butterfly!




Wait, what were we doing? Oh yeah!

Project #3-ish: is not really my project, but my landlord swears we're getting new windows soon, so yay!

Project #1 future:

But wait, there's more!



Project #6: This is a two-parter. The frame in the front needs to be turned into one of those cool chicken-wire-bulletin-board-thingies (That's the technical term). The frame behind it needs to be gotten rid of. I might take it to the thrift store tomorrow. I got it next to our dumpster, but quickly found I had no real use for it. The only problem is, my neighbor saw that I had it and said "I put that on the side because I KNEW somebody would love that picture." Frankly, the picture was never going to become part of the decor. Ever. But I'm too nice to put it back out by the trash now.

Project #7: I have no idea where to store this shit. It's a folding chair, a styrofoam headstone and a large plastic cauldron. It does not fit in any of my interior storage areas. It used to go in the outdoor storage we had in Northern California.... and now it's on the porch.

Project #6 future:

Hold on, we're not done, there's still more. (Why, yes, it is getting crowded in the waiting room. Thank you for noticing. Please take a number and we will get to you shortly).

Project #8: This is cool. These are going to be wall cubes. I'm going to stain them to match the aforementioned Ikea hutch and rub them down with mineral oil and hang them in the dining room. I'm very happy about this. I may even do it tomorrow.

Project #9: Does anyone know of any plants that need next to no sunlight? I wonder if orchids would thrive here... we have jasmine in the pots and it's slowly dying, despite the constant supply of miracle-gro that is sprinkled on them with water. (Though, to be fair, it isn't called miracle-don't-die). I've tried so hard with these guys. I planted them in wormy soil that I was told they would like. I punched holes in the bottom of their planters so they could drain. I even bought them little jungle-gyms to play on (or, you know, trellises to grow on. Whatever). We water them regularly with miracle-gro. Still, they insist on dying. Actually, I feel like I'm less of the Manson of plants and more like the Kevorkian of the flora kingdom.

Wow, that's a downer. You know what this post needs? A picture of my cat.

I swear he's a cat and not the emperor from Star Wars. (Just don't tell him that).





And there you go!

Paint a Mural on It, Yo.

Let me let you in on a little secret: I am not a photographer. I never took classes and my camera is just ok. I appreciate a great shot, but feel no burning desire to recreate the magic in that arena. So, my photos are not what you might call spectacular. As I don't even use hipstamatic, they're not even what you'd call cool. But they get the job done.

So... we live in a 2 bedroom apartment, and chose the smaller of the 2 rooms as our bedroom. As all it's for is sleeping and keeping clothes in, it made sense to have the other room be the office. But painting such a small room was a conundrum, and living in a solid cream box was getting to me (see earlier posts for more accurate color descriptions). Painting an accent wall in a 10x10 room was kind of a non-starter. Plus, despite what you might have been led to believe, I don't love bucket-and-roller painting.

As such, I decided to paint a 5'x5' mural of a green-striped lotus (see: imaginary shit I make up) on the wall with the most blank space. This is a step-by step of that process. It took me 7 months, but if you don't just stare at it for weeks in between layers, I imagine you could get this done in a weekend. Maybe 3 days. But I'm not knocking the sit-and-stare-at-it process. Works just fine for me.

Step 1: Sketch it out on paper, yo. I did mine in Sharpie.


Step 2: Trace it out on your wall in pencil. (On semigloss paint you didn't have a prayer of seeing this in a photo, so just imagine it for a moment.)

Step 3: Paint the whole damn thing white. Then edge it in green. (Or whatever colors blow your skirt up, it's your wall).

Note: I upped the contrast so you could see what was happening here.

Step 4: Paint some stripes in your first shade (of green for me).


Step 5: Much like step 4, paint some stripes in your second shade.


Step 6: Similar to steps 4 and 5, paint some stripes in your third shade. You might be done with stripes at this point. If you are, bear with me. If not, you are of my tribe.



Step 7: See steps 4-6, fourth shade.



Step 8: No more stripes! Give the flower some depth. I used a watered-down pink blush to make it look alive. Then I watered down some gray to make it a bit more realistic. Shade in the shady bits, perk up the central bits.


Step 9: Give it some reproductive junk. Stamen time. Make a thinned-out pool of brownish-yellow at the middle bottom of the stamen area before you start so that it looks deeper. (I kind of forgot and had to do it after the fact.)



Step 10: Admire your work! Or, you know, obsess over it for a few months and randomly add/subtract bits. Whatever your process is.


See? And that only took 7 months! (Ok, I have MUCH higher hopes for you). And there you go!

Have a lovely day.