All the little things...

Just a tiny post today.
We needed a place to put the mail, as creditors and bill collectors keep calling and asking, amazedly as we immediately pay the bill "Why did you wait so long?" and the answer always being.. "Well, we, um, sorta forgot.... to open the bill"
/shameface
So I went to my mecca, Target, and bought a mail basket.

But of course I can't leave well enough alone and had to line it with this awesome red wrapping paper.

"Why isn't this a DIY post?" you ask, crestfallen.
"Because this was a fiasco." I answer testily.
"But they're all fiascos." you point out.
"Yeah, but I took this one personally. Go play in traffic." (This is why I do not yet have children).

So, here's my pointers for if you DO want to do this yourself.

1. Don't use cheap (Target) wrapping paper. It's thin, tears and bubbles easily, and makes you swear a lot.
2. Don't use regular glue straight from the bottle. Water it down and paint it on with a paint brush.

That's pretty much it. But now I have a place to find the mail so that we can be responsible adults! (maybe) And it's pretty. Yay!

“Number 8? The Do-er will see you now.”

I know I haven’t been posting much, but I have been DOING! Yay doing (boo, not posting). I tackled the awesome wooden squares that I decided should be wall cubes that I found in the dumpster and have been “decorating” my porch.

See? Anyway, I felt that if I just gave them a little love, they’d love me back.

“What kind of love?,” you ask? “This isn’t going somewhere disturbing, is it?" Ye of little faith. 

I’ll show you, in this TOTALLY safe-for-work (unless they don’t like you not working, in which case you should probably come back later), completely G-rated (well, ish, no promises on not swearing), step-by-step tutorial on restoring unfinished, unloved wood. In this case, in the form of future decorative shelving.

Disclaimer: Do not use this tutorial to restore heirloom furniture or anything you’re REALLY attached to. I’m Google-ing this shit and making stuff up as I go along just like everyone else. I share so you can see what worked, but no guarantees, ok? Talk to a professional before putting nail polish remover on your grandmother’s credenza.

Ok? Ok. Onward.

1. Cover yo’ face, fool! You’re gonna sand, and sanding creates dust, and dust is not good for
   a. Your lungs
          or
   b. Your eyes

2. Assemble your team. In this case, it was a paint-scraper (there was gum AND paint on these bad boys), a cheap synthetic paint brush, fine-grit sand-paper (I used 220, but you really don’t HAVE to go quite that fine), some wood-conditioning stain from IKEA, MinWax Tung Oil for varnish and moisturizing nail polish remover (not pictured).

3. Remove extraneous crap from wood. This involved scraping off the gum (gross) and using nail polish remover to get rid of the random red paint on these things. I didn’t really expect it to work, but it did, fairly well, so that was cool. I did need to sand some of the paint off, tho, it was stuck on there pretty good, and there was a lot of it.
 



No, it's not a DIY episode of Dexter.


4. Moving on, sand the whole mess. All the sides, the corners, the crevasses: get to know your wood. Also always sand with the grain. If you know what this means, please tell me. I sanded the way that the wood lines go, except where it was too hard to do that, then I threw caution to the wind and sanded however the hell I could sand. You do your thing, I’ll do mine, but remember, this isn’t heirloom-wood restoration. Talk to a pro about that.

5. Follow the directions on your wood stain. Mostly it’s paint, let dry, and rub with clean, dry cloth. But if yours is different, go with what it says.

6. Finish with your Tung Oil. Follow the directions, but basically it’s paint, let dry for 15 minutes, then polish with a clean, dry cloth that you’re willing to throw out afterwards. That shit does not come out of fabric. (I sort of forgot that I was taking pictures at this point. Tung Oil Finish is STICKY).
7. Repeat the Tung Oil step if it’s not shiny enough. I went with 2 coats, but you have to let it dry overnight between coats, so that’s only for people who are very good at waiting, like myself.

Now I’ve just got to hang these bad boys on the wall! (The hubs keeps the drill at work because he’s an engineer, so I have to wait for him to bring it home. “He” may be getting a new, at-home drill for his birthday. Is that really selfish? I might be a bad wife.) They’re going to go with my WW-II inspired kitchen/dining room (more on that later)!

Have a lovely day!

Windows and Discovering That You Don’t Hate Your Apartment

On my (extensive) DIY-To-Do list has been to cover one set of our windows with fabric. The window in question looks out onto the neighbor’s porch which is

1. weird for us
2. weird for them
3. just generally weird.
   

BUT being me and with life and work and love getting in the way, I haven’t gotten around to it. (Or a “round toit”, sold here).

I got the inspiration for this project from the rather marvelous Daniel at manhattan-nest.com. You should look at his blog. Don’t worry, I’ll wait. But don’t leave me for him, just because he loves Eames more than I do.

Aaaaanyway, haven’t done it yet. Haven’t found the fabric, haven’t found the time, yadda, yadda, yadda. BUT it turns out that this is GOOD news because (sound the trumpets) we’re getting new windows! That’s right, our landlord decided to put money INTO the apartment and give us new windows.

I suspect that they will be new, energy-efficient windows so they can get the tax credit currently offered for installing them. I have to say though, sometimes (a lot of times) it’s kind of nice having a big, professional company manage your apartment complex. I mean, sure, they don’t care about you, and unless you’re there forever, you can forget about seeing your deposit back, and the rent is more ridiculous BUT… but but but—they do get stuff done sometimes. They have money, they see the big picture, and they make good when you first threaten to sue over something so you don’t have to go through the motions of ACTUALLY doing it. Because, really, who has the time?

We were thinking about jumping ship because of the electrical violations… but you know what? We can deal.

We went to look at another apartment that was SLIGHTLY bigger and a townhouse to boot, but the SLIGHTLY bigger was entirely taken up by staircase, the half bath and the full bath added together weren’t the size of our current (admittedly amazing) bathroom, and the place just seemed smaller.

On top of that, there was no dedicated parking, which is RETARDED in southern California. Retarded, I tell you. I mean, my current dedicated parking place is in an alley which I walk past a couple of dumpsters and a gate that the entire apartment complex is in a war with (I’ll tell you about it sometime). BUT when I get home, I know where my car is going to go. When I get up, I know where I put the car. That’s huge.

Another aspect that was originally a pro that quickly degraded to a con was the “painted accent walls”. You don’t pick the color, they’ve just randomly painted two walls accent colors for you. The one in the living room was ok, it’s a non-obtrusive brownish color that would neither go with nor clash with much of anything. But in the bedroom the accent wall was SCARLET. Bright-red-freaking-wall in the BEDROOM, people. Who can sleep with that? And when I asked if we could paint over it, the lady said “Sure, as long as you paint it back red before you leave”. This is NOT the same as requesting you paint shit back to white when you leave. This is a brand-specific color that we’d have to find. No. No, I tell you. I will not!

Also, the neighborhood was pretty much on par with ours. So instead of “movin’ on up” we’d be, as the hubs said “moving a step over”.

Anyway, new windows! And, I’m going to paint our fabulous bathroom. AND I’ve finished TWO of the projects in the DIY waiting room. Yay!

Have a lovely day.

I'm still here

I really haven't forgotten about you! It's been such a busy week. I've been going to the gym EVERY night. I'm proud of myself, but it does leave precious little time to write. But. BUT. I am going to post on my fabulous new wall cubes tomorrow (they just need ONE more layer of tongue oil to make me a very happy camper).

ALSO, as I have a nicely empty Saturday, I am going to do the filing cabinet! (Yay!) I'm fairly certain I'm going with the black-bronze combination as it will fit with more rooms in the future (and go VERY nicely in the rooms of the present).

My very sexy husband put in a very sexy dimmer switch in our bedroom, so we no longer have to worry about our 60's-style-scarf-on-a lamp solution setting the apartment on fire. Unfortunately, he also found that the wiring in our unit is shockingly (dangerously?) sub-par, so we may die in a fire anyway. Or get electrocuted in the bathroom as it doesn't have an in-wall breaker.

My mother is now on a mission to find us an apartment with non-lethal wiring, but we shall see. I just finished the mural, damnit!

Also, happy Friday!

The D.I.Y. Waiting Room

Not-so-surprising factoid of the day about yours truly: I love DIY projects. At least, I think I do. So far, I've completed the mural and stained and assembled an Ikea hutch (I'm counting it because of the "staining" step.) But here's the thing: I'm kind of lazy. Well-intentioned, but lazy. This is why my apartment is STILL renter's "what-are-you-hiding-under-that-semi-gloss" off-white. So... for all my anxiously awaited "projects".... I have a waiting room. Sometimes we call it a porch.

Below, for your viewing pleasure, I've captured our waiting room in all of it's leaf-strewn glory. (I didn't sweep for you because I didn't have advance notice that you were stopping by. That's how it works at casa de Weber).

Project #10 in the waiting room: the filing cabinet.
(Yes I'm starting with #10. Don't judge me.)



Here's kind of an inspiration board on what I'd like to do to said cabinet. I was going for a black-and-red lacquer look, but I'm kind of loving the bronze on the top right. What do you think?

Next up is a cluster of projects waiting patiently (does that make them "patients"?).



Project #1: Flower box planter? It was going to be a shelf, but I got over the idea before it went very far at all. At the moment it has been deputized as chief dirt receptacle. But down below I've posted what it might look like in a future space. If I ever stop being the Charles Manson of the plant world.

Project #2: Refinish table and paint seats of chairs turquoise. Or different colors. I need to make a decision before acting on this one. ADD is no joke, kids. Oh, look a butterfly!




Wait, what were we doing? Oh yeah!

Project #3-ish: is not really my project, but my landlord swears we're getting new windows soon, so yay!

Project #1 future:

But wait, there's more!



Project #6: This is a two-parter. The frame in the front needs to be turned into one of those cool chicken-wire-bulletin-board-thingies (That's the technical term). The frame behind it needs to be gotten rid of. I might take it to the thrift store tomorrow. I got it next to our dumpster, but quickly found I had no real use for it. The only problem is, my neighbor saw that I had it and said "I put that on the side because I KNEW somebody would love that picture." Frankly, the picture was never going to become part of the decor. Ever. But I'm too nice to put it back out by the trash now.

Project #7: I have no idea where to store this shit. It's a folding chair, a styrofoam headstone and a large plastic cauldron. It does not fit in any of my interior storage areas. It used to go in the outdoor storage we had in Northern California.... and now it's on the porch.

Project #6 future:

Hold on, we're not done, there's still more. (Why, yes, it is getting crowded in the waiting room. Thank you for noticing. Please take a number and we will get to you shortly).

Project #8: This is cool. These are going to be wall cubes. I'm going to stain them to match the aforementioned Ikea hutch and rub them down with mineral oil and hang them in the dining room. I'm very happy about this. I may even do it tomorrow.

Project #9: Does anyone know of any plants that need next to no sunlight? I wonder if orchids would thrive here... we have jasmine in the pots and it's slowly dying, despite the constant supply of miracle-gro that is sprinkled on them with water. (Though, to be fair, it isn't called miracle-don't-die). I've tried so hard with these guys. I planted them in wormy soil that I was told they would like. I punched holes in the bottom of their planters so they could drain. I even bought them little jungle-gyms to play on (or, you know, trellises to grow on. Whatever). We water them regularly with miracle-gro. Still, they insist on dying. Actually, I feel like I'm less of the Manson of plants and more like the Kevorkian of the flora kingdom.

Wow, that's a downer. You know what this post needs? A picture of my cat.

I swear he's a cat and not the emperor from Star Wars. (Just don't tell him that).





And there you go!

Shit I Don't Get - Dead Decor

This is the first of what I believe will be a recurring series (as opposed to a one-time-series?) There's a lot of decorating shit I don't get. The list is constantly growing. But today, I'm perplexed by dead things as decor. My mom told me not to touch dead things on the side of the road, and I heeded her. But I am apparently behind the decorating times.

According to several respected sources dead shit on the side of the road isn't roadkill, it's a "find". People I know and respect aesthetically have dead shit decorating their houses. I sort of understand the mounted big game heads, but that's about where I get off the bus.



For example, this piece of brilliance was accompanied by the following post. I cannot improve on this: "Just got this one back from my taxidermist. My son found the owl on the highway and had the forsight to pick it up. Then a week later he found the Partridge on the road".

I don't even know where to begin. I mean, he has a PERSONAL taxidermist. And as a future parent (someday), I really don't think I'd call my kid picking up dead birds off the side of the road "forsight". Partially because I can spell foresight, but mostly because I'd be busy being completely grossed out.


This (admittedly kind of neat) thing was actually photographed by the New York Times. Seriously. This is 11 dead things under a bell jar. Sylvia Plath would love it. I feel like they're going to haunt me by attacking me with their tiny sharp beaks and claws.


Aaaand in case it wasn't enough to decorate your home with dead shit- here's some portable dead shit you can wear on your head. Pigeon wing headband! For only about $900. A bargain at twice the price! Seriously, this item is so full of WTF, I can barely contain myself.

Ok, I'm grossed out. Or maybe inspired. I'll let you know what happens next time I see a dead squirrel on the side of the road. Usually, I just cheer. (I hate squirrels).

And there you go. Have a lovely day!

Paint a Mural on It, Yo.

Let me let you in on a little secret: I am not a photographer. I never took classes and my camera is just ok. I appreciate a great shot, but feel no burning desire to recreate the magic in that arena. So, my photos are not what you might call spectacular. As I don't even use hipstamatic, they're not even what you'd call cool. But they get the job done.

So... we live in a 2 bedroom apartment, and chose the smaller of the 2 rooms as our bedroom. As all it's for is sleeping and keeping clothes in, it made sense to have the other room be the office. But painting such a small room was a conundrum, and living in a solid cream box was getting to me (see earlier posts for more accurate color descriptions). Painting an accent wall in a 10x10 room was kind of a non-starter. Plus, despite what you might have been led to believe, I don't love bucket-and-roller painting.

As such, I decided to paint a 5'x5' mural of a green-striped lotus (see: imaginary shit I make up) on the wall with the most blank space. This is a step-by step of that process. It took me 7 months, but if you don't just stare at it for weeks in between layers, I imagine you could get this done in a weekend. Maybe 3 days. But I'm not knocking the sit-and-stare-at-it process. Works just fine for me.

Step 1: Sketch it out on paper, yo. I did mine in Sharpie.


Step 2: Trace it out on your wall in pencil. (On semigloss paint you didn't have a prayer of seeing this in a photo, so just imagine it for a moment.)

Step 3: Paint the whole damn thing white. Then edge it in green. (Or whatever colors blow your skirt up, it's your wall).

Note: I upped the contrast so you could see what was happening here.

Step 4: Paint some stripes in your first shade (of green for me).


Step 5: Much like step 4, paint some stripes in your second shade.


Step 6: Similar to steps 4 and 5, paint some stripes in your third shade. You might be done with stripes at this point. If you are, bear with me. If not, you are of my tribe.



Step 7: See steps 4-6, fourth shade.



Step 8: No more stripes! Give the flower some depth. I used a watered-down pink blush to make it look alive. Then I watered down some gray to make it a bit more realistic. Shade in the shady bits, perk up the central bits.


Step 9: Give it some reproductive junk. Stamen time. Make a thinned-out pool of brownish-yellow at the middle bottom of the stamen area before you start so that it looks deeper. (I kind of forgot and had to do it after the fact.)



Step 10: Admire your work! Or, you know, obsess over it for a few months and randomly add/subtract bits. Whatever your process is.


See? And that only took 7 months! (Ok, I have MUCH higher hopes for you). And there you go!

Have a lovely day.