Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Bedbugs. (insert shudder here)

In case you’ve missed all the headlines, and the footlines and the in-between lines, there’s been a resurgence of bedbugs in this country. In the cheap motels, in the 5-star hotels, in the apartment complex I call home. What? Yes. I almost inadvertently adopted bedbugs. Don’t look at me like that!
You see, there was this abandoned chaise lounge in the common area of my apartment complex. Now, usually, I follow the law of “Thou shalt not adopt upholstered roadside furniture. Yea, there liest a path of deep regret and foul smells”.

 But this was a chaise lounge. I’ve ALWAYS wanted a chaise lounge. And it hadn’t been out long. So, I gave the hubs my very best “we need this” pitch and he rolled his eyes and gamely grabbed one end, and I grabbed the other and into the apartment it came. 

Not being COMPLETELY foolhardy, I decided it should sit next to the couch for a bit to see if it would play well with the rest of the furniture. So, we sat on the couch, the chaise sat next to us, and we watched television for a bit, me stealing giddy glances at my new chaise every now and then. 

And that’s when I saw it.  Looking like the ugliest miniscule penny-with-a-head-type-creature ever, a little bedbug poked its way out. And I screamed like a little girl. Well, ok, technically, I can’t scream. But I hollered and we hauled that thing outside double-quick (you have NEVER seen anyone move furniture that fast), then vacuumed every surface in the house, washed every stich of clothing we were wearing and showered. Because I am a good citizen, I took a marker and wrote “bedbugs” on the arm of the chaise once it was safely back outside.  It looked a little bit like “redrum” from The Shining, but I feel that’s all the better.

Why, yes, I did draw a cartoon bedbug because I'm too creeped out by them to post an actual photo of one. What?

So, in the end, boys and girls, heed the warnings given to thee by renters of yore “Thou shalt not adopt upholstered roadside furniture”. Verily, words to live by.

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