Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Shit I Don't Get - Dead Decor

This is the first of what I believe will be a recurring series (as opposed to a one-time-series?) There's a lot of decorating shit I don't get. The list is constantly growing. But today, I'm perplexed by dead things as decor. My mom told me not to touch dead things on the side of the road, and I heeded her. But I am apparently behind the decorating times.

According to several respected sources dead shit on the side of the road isn't roadkill, it's a "find". People I know and respect aesthetically have dead shit decorating their houses. I sort of understand the mounted big game heads, but that's about where I get off the bus.

For example, this piece of brilliance was accompanied by the following post. I cannot improve on this: "Just got this one back from my taxidermist. My son found the owl on the highway and had the forsight to pick it up. Then a week later he found the Partridge on the road".

I don't even know where to begin. I mean, he has a PERSONAL taxidermist. And as a future parent (someday), I really don't think I'd call my kid picking up dead birds off the side of the road "forsight". Partially because I can spell foresight, but mostly because I'd be busy being completely grossed out.

This (admittedly kind of neat) thing was actually photographed by the New York Times. Seriously. This is 11 dead things under a bell jar. Sylvia Plath would love it. I feel like they're going to haunt me by attacking me with their tiny sharp beaks and claws.

Aaaand in case it wasn't enough to decorate your home with dead shit- here's some portable dead shit you can wear on your head. Pigeon wing headband! For only about $900. A bargain at twice the price! Seriously, this item is so full of WTF, I can barely contain myself.

Ok, I'm grossed out. Or maybe inspired. I'll let you know what happens next time I see a dead squirrel on the side of the road. Usually, I just cheer. (I hate squirrels).

And there you go. Have a lovely day!

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